2016 movies I’ve seen.  

I rank them, best to worst.  You may notice I positively review nearly all of them… that’s because I’d like to think I have better-than-average skill at picking movies to spend my hard-earned cash to see.  The ones I didn’t like so much, are lower on the list. 

Arrival – One of the better-best aliens – science fiction movie, I have seen in a long time.  Nearly better than the usual’s (StarWars, StarTrek, Alien franchises).  Feckless humans try to communicate with otherworldly beings that are trying to help us and not destroy us.  This seems most plausible. 

Into the Forest – Saw this on Amazon Prime.  This movie still haunts me.  Two teenaged sisters and their father manage through a worldwide electrical outage.  They live in an isolated house in the hills, and must learn to survive on their own after their father meets with a tragic accident.  

10 Cloverfield Lane – I’m not one for horror movies anymore.  I used to love the horror genre.  I still enjoy those old, campy Hammer films with Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee and Vincent Price, etc.  But, since real life has sort of taken on the same sensibilities as any campy horror movie, it’s hard to love scary movies anymore.  Turn on the TV, and anything they show is at least as scary as any horror movie.    

This story, is sort of a companion story to the first Cloverfield, from 2008.  A woman driving along a deserted road, is involved in a serious car accident.  She awakens to find herself recovering in an underground bunker, with a very scary John Goodman (Howard) and mousy Emmet as her hosts. 

Super- paranoid Howard is claiming there has been an “alien attack” and the outside is not safe.  But, Michelle is begging to wonder if this is just a sick, twisted game Howard is playing.  My gosh, this movie… is as sit-on-the-edge of your seat as any physiological drama, second to none.  Even better than “The Birds.”  

Deadpool – Ryan Reynolds is just one of those actors that seems like he has a sneer behind every look.  Works PERFECTLY for what I consider is by far the BEST of Marvel Movies (Sorry, X-Men).  Breaking down the 4^th wall (Talking directly to the audience), and making a joke out of nearly everything.  But, honestly, wouldn’t you act the same way if you found out that though you were invincible, you could never go home because you’re totally a freak. 

Oh, wait….. Yeah, that’s me.  But, Deadpool is right.  It really IS a love story.  

The secret Life of Pets – Animated movie.  Cute, cute movie.  Not awful at all. 

Zootopia – Same here….though, frankly, I think the sloths should get their own spin-off (thinking of this now, as I’m standing in line at the local Walmart store). 

Star Trek Beyond -  I liked this Star Trek much better than the second movie.  Some critics noted it felt more like an extended TV version of Star Trek than a full-out big-budget production.   And that’s what I loved about it, it felt like I was back in my parents’ house, sitting in my favorite chair after school, PBJ sandwich and glass of milk, watching the sparkling Captain Kirk and his mates go where “no man has gone before…” 

Of course, this version was much updated with a kick-ass chick, Jaylah, getting the crew out of trouble.  Let’s not forget, Uhura kickin’ some ass too.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story – Never thought I would say it, but I finally came across a Star Wars movie that I didn’t really care for.  First off (Spoiler ALERT):  Everybody in this movie gets killed.  Plus, the induction of the first, real bring back to life-via digital creepy digital effect.  

Still, it is Star Wars… I think it’s written in the constitution we must see and love all. 

Doctor Strange –  Funny that I barely remember the Doctor Strange character from the Marvel comic books from when I was a kid.  He seemed more an afterthought than anything.  I remember most of the stories involved swamis and far eastern themes. 

Stories I thought were covered much better in the Johnny Quest universe. 

Sometimes Hollywood has a habit of overdoing just about everything.   Take for example the super heroes movies.  Once relegated to the every-once-in a while type of movie for the 10-15 year old set, sometimes they bounced into the more adult world (Superman with Christopher Reeve, for example) and were enjoyable and memorable.

Now days, I can’t seem to keep my superheroes, or their universes correct…  Batman vs. who? 

This movie was a gem amongst the dreck (something I was hoping for in Suicide Squad, and didn’t find)…   where the plot was actually good, and the acting, “good-er.” 

This one is about a self-centered ego-maniac and Brilliant surgeon Doctor Stephen Strange that finds himself nearly destroyed after a terrible traffic accident.   He no longer can be the man he once was, but refuses to accept his fate.… 

He uses his many resources to find a cure….  That leads him to the far East and right to “the ancient one”  (Tilda Swinton, in a much-maligned roll as the ancient one…. Some accused her character as a dis to ethnicity.  I didn’t think so).   There he discovers the truth of magic and the world hidden behind the real one… 

This is a great movie!  I recommend it!  

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them – Confessional: I have never seen a Harry Potter movie!  Never.  I have not read the books, nor ventured to the movies.  I think I got tuckered out from the last mega-franchise Lord of the Rings. 

This, like Rogue One, is more a side-story to the main vision.  I really liked this movie… great, amazing visual effects that were not overwhelming but very conducive to the story. 

The Jungle Book – It is truly amazing what computer-generated movies are capable of these days.  At no point did I not think I was watching a cartoon… with Gigantic Orangutans (Played with deadpan gusto by Christopher Walken), an evil and dangerous tiger, Shere Khan (Idirs Elba) and a singing bear (Laconic Bill Murray).  The movie was a visual delight! 

A little rough on the violence for the little ones…  but, man…  You really do find you care about Mowgli and the rest throughout the entire movie.  Say it with me: This is the law of the jungle it's old and it's true as the sky And the wolf that should keep it may prosper but the wolf who will break it must die. For the strength of the pack is the wolf and the strength of the wolf is the pack.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot – Seems like 2017 is turning out to be The Year of The Woman, regardless (or maybe due to) whoever is in the Whitehouse.  I say it’s about time.  The movie Whiskey Tango Foxtrot (short for WTF?  Get it…)  stars Tina Fey.  The movie is based on a book based on the book "The Taliban Shuffle: Strange Days in Afghanistan and Pakistan" (A True Story, as they say) by real-life reporter, Kim Barker. 

Fay plays a stifled woman that decides to do something different, and on a lark volunteers to do a stint covering the war in Afghanistan as a correspondent.   She is ill prepared for the culture shock she encounters at first.  The Ultimate fish out of water story…. Or…. Infidel in the war story. 

At times, incredibly funny (well, it is Tina Fey), heartbreaking and such a positive on the cultures we ‘mericans try so hard to distrust.   In many ways….”they” are much like “us,”  and yet, not at all.  

This movie stayed with me for a very long time.  Though some of the story lines seemed like television sitcom writers wrote them, it was…overall…. a real joy. 

Passengers – I was really looking forward to this movie!  It has…. Well, Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt for starters.  A spacecraft, 30 years from the home world, and 90 years to go on its destination, while a town-load of people are deep in hibernating sleep.  Pratt… “Maintenance guy”…. Seems like there is always at least one in every one of these movies…   wakes up from his sleep pod way too soon… some 90 years or so….  

He tries to find ways to fix his situation…. Only to run into machines that simply tell him, “there is no problem.”  Stupid machines!!

So, with only the Robot Bartender (Arthur) from “The Shining” (no, kidding….  The vibe is unmistakable, and quite on purpose, sir) as his companion, Jim Preston must now live out the rest of his life among the sleeping multitude.  This only goes okay for so long…before he nearly goes mad with homesickness and need for companionship. 

Through the logs of the crew, he gets to know Aurora Lane (Jennifer Lawrence) and immediately falls for her.  His temptation is that he should wake “Eve” to be his mate to his “Adam.”  He gives in to temptation…. 

Like him, she is horrified that she is awakened early, but has no idea that he (Jim) was the one that awoke her. 

Of course, all-too-quickly, nature takes its’ course and they fall madly for each other…. That is, until that sorta-evil Bartender blabs about Jim….essentially taking her life away from her.  (Stupid Machines!) She is understandably incensed….and that ends the relationship. 

Ah, but then the ship starts falling apart, causing Morpheus (Laurence Fishburne…) to awaken from the crew cabin….and try to help the ship right itself and they must work together to avert a tragedy. 

My take on this one…is they had a great opportunity to really make something cool here.  A modernized version of (one of my favorites) The World, the Flesh, and the Devil…   Made in 1959.  

A man (Harry Belafonte) and a woman…. Find themselves the only ones left alive in NYC after a terrible nuclear accident…   Then, a 3^rd….   and competing for the attention of “the only woman in the world.”  See? What a dynamic. 

Passengers ends up being a lover’s spat…more than the compelling human drama it could have been.  

Still Lawrence and Pratt have great chemistry (pretty people usually do) and it’s not a terrible movie… just could have been so much better. 

The One’s that I saw which I didn’t too much care for…

Money Monster  -  I mean, how could you go wrong with George Clooney and Julia Roberts?  This must be the way….  When they are on screen together, they are amazing.  But, Clooney stars as a

Jack Reacher  -  Read my review from earlier.  Meh….

Allied – Same for Allied.  Meh, except for Marion Cotillard....  

Ghostbusters – Man, what a waste!  So much great talent, and it just seemed like it was wasted on too many homages to the original.  

BATMAN v SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE  - It was just…..  wrong.  So, batman is jealous of Superman, gets it in his head to be….Well, better and finally defeat the S-one?  How then…..well, build a better suit, that’s how!  Fill it full of Kryptonite!  Funny, why didn’t any of the bad guys over the years think of that?

As predicted on the faded wall of a New York City billboard in the apocalyptic movie: I am Legend.  It predicted this was a sign of the end of the world.  Next stop, “dark-seekers.”

Independence Day: Resurgence -  I want my money BACK!  How could you do this?  ID4 was a great, American sci-fi film!  No, not Gone With the Wind great….  But, American Sci-fi great.  As plodding and unkempt as any hulking John Wayne movie.

So much of the public realized it wasn’t so much the aliens… it was:  the combination of Will Smith’s Captain Steven Hiller (“Captain Kirk”), Jeff Goldblum’s David Levinson (“Spock”) and Bill Pullman’s President Witmore (“Bones”)…. Along with the rest of the characters from well-known series….  That makes ID4 (Along with its’ Cousin: Ammegeddon) one of the modern go-to American movies vs. aliens. 

But, take out Will Smith (Granted Jessie T. Usher did a pretty good job here…. And he’s about the only one in this mess), reduce Witmore to a whimpering sad sack, add in the few dozen homages to the originals, and you have one, big mess.  Familiar characters were introduced and killed off in the same scene.  And as per usual, the only ones dumber than the good guys were the aliens.  How will we ever survive?

It was nominated for 2 Razzie awards (2017) for Worst Picture and Worst director.  Sadly, it did not prevail even in winning here. 

So many ask why haven’t they re-made some of the classics like “Casablanca,”  or “Streetcar Named Desire,”  This movie is your answer…  and the original was never a classic.  No matter how much you would like to, you cannot go back….