Alien: Covenant   

I think they should rename this installment of the franchise - Alien: Plot holes II 

Since when has science fiction fallen from telling great, suspenseful, sometimes menacing, stories to that of awful, synthetic, recycled, and formulated video games? – Video games you don’t even play… just watch.  I dunno.. but, I was all prepared to love the movie.  It held such promise.

 

Finally!  An explanation where the “architects” came from, why they created the toxins that became creatures, and why these architects wanted to delete one of their finest creations… humans.  The Prometheus movie starred breathtaking Swedish actress, Noomi Rapace  (Girl with the dragon tattoo) as the kick-ass plucky heroine (cuz, in modern sci-fi, you can’t have a movie without one, apparently) at least had the functioning workings of a good science fiction story.  Even with it’s many flaws…  I’ll get to in a minute.  

The prequel to that other kick-ass plucky heroine – Ripley from the original Alien – Elizabeth Shaw gave us at least the basic understanding about the aliens… where they came from, and how they somehow became the menace of even their own creators.  She matures with incredible speed from obedient wife to Mr. Genius to Ripley-ish alien-slayer, literally self-aborting the newly discovered pre-alien fetus from her womb.  Yikes! 

There was an expectation at the end of Prometheus that Shaw, lone human survivor and the head of evil-robot David would fly the architects’  craft out of the toxic atmosphere of LV-223 and get the answers to the questions: who are we?  Did you create us?  And, why would you want to destroy us? 

Covenant really doesn’t answer any of those questions, and is more a standalone movie than anything.   A ship carrying 2000 colonist face a minor ship disruption (via “Passengers”)  and now awakens the crew to repair.  On board, the latest android, Walter (Michael Fassbender, doing double android duty as the evil David and the upgraded robot) just a bit less creepy… detects a faint signal from a near-by planet. 

Abandoning all protocol to get their colonist cargo to their destination.. 11 years in the future, which would require to climb back into their sleep pods… they decide to take a few weeks out of their way to investigate the rouge signal (a woman singing “take me home country roads” by John Denver… like anyone a hundred years in our future would remember JD). 

I don’t know about you.. but if I were a colonist and I paid for a one-way trip to say Alpha Centuria but found out the crew decided to land me on Betelgeuse… I would be just a little pissed.  I would ask for at least part of my money back.  Jus’ sayin’…

So off to this new planet they go off…  an advanced team takes down a lander to investigate.  They eventually find the crashed ship of Shaw…. And eventually the re-made David (looking very much Ziggy stardust).  David relates that Shaw died in the crash. 

Eventually, the advance crew falls victim to several accidents…  problems with spores (?)  and suddenly are afflicted with horrible beings popping out of backs, fronts, mouths..  

Well, maybe this planetary heaven is more like hell.  Meanwhile, a convenient ion storm approaches and disrupts communication with the mother ship.  (You would have thought the hurricane-force ion storms would have been enough to negate the planet from “good choice to colonize,”  but there I go again… overanalyzing) 

The landing ship is blown up due to one of the infected crew, and now the remainder of the away team must scramble for shelter, away from the scary creatures trying to eat the crew.  With the help of evil David, they find shelter in the deserted last city of the “architects.”    

The two robots meet face to face and David calls Walter “brother.”  Now, we know from Star Trek Next Generation when Lar met Data and the same thing happens.. that’s bad news.  In any case, when the depleted crew setup shop in the old city, as the mother ship sends down another vehicle to hopefully pick up the crew. 

This is where the Friday the 13^th action happens here.  Each member peals off from the group, only to be terminated by one of the ugly aliens.  We meet a new beasty here… not much explanation… other than it kinda looks like it’s covered in goo.  Eventually,  Daniels (Katherine Waterston)  figures out that David is not quite right in the head circuitry ….. especially when she finds the remains of Shaw on a table with her insides blown out. 

David finds her out and tries to kill her (bad robot! Bad, bad, robot!)  only to stab him in the chin.  By then good robot Walter shows up and they have a robot fight.  Yeah! 

As the remaining few team finally blast off of from the planet, Walter seems to be no himself at all… 

I’m sure you can figure out the rest of the story. 

The end has Walter/David putting Daniels to sleep in her pod, while putting a few of the 

new alien embryos in status while tucking the sleepy inhabitants back in their status before reaching their new home.  

End movie. 

So many plot holes… so little time.  

I know there is a third film in the new franchise… and to be honest with you.. I plan on skipping it.  Ridely Scott has fooled me twice on what should have been a knock it out of the park movie.  

After reading some of the notes about the movie, maybe instead of spending so much time on  (cool) Easter eggs (“Walter” and the date at the beginning of the film is December 5 which is also the birthday of Walter Elias Disney, for example).. maybe he should have spent more on the darn plot! 

Rent this one when it comes out.  Don’t waste your money… 

Meanwhile, go check out the movie: 2010 (The year we make Contact)  the sequel to 2001… starring Roy Scheider, John Lithgow, Helen Mirren and Keir Dullea from 1998.  So much better…  when it comes to aliens, rouge computers and far-flung space adventures. 

2016 movies I’ve seen.  

I rank them, best to worst.  You may notice I positively review nearly all of them… that’s because I’d like to think I have better-than-average skill at picking movies to spend my hard-earned cash to see.  The ones I didn’t like so much, are lower on the list. 

Arrival – One of the better-best aliens – science fiction movie, I have seen in a long time.  Nearly better than the usual’s (StarWars, StarTrek, Alien franchises).  Feckless humans try to communicate with otherworldly beings that are trying to help us and not destroy us.  This seems most plausible. 

Into the Forest – Saw this on Amazon Prime.  This movie still haunts me.  Two teenaged sisters and their father manage through a worldwide electrical outage.  They live in an isolated house in the hills, and must learn to survive on their own after their father meets with a tragic accident.  

10 Cloverfield Lane – I’m not one for horror movies anymore.  I used to love the horror genre.  I still enjoy those old, campy Hammer films with Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee and Vincent Price, etc.  But, since real life has sort of taken on the same sensibilities as any campy horror movie, it’s hard to love scary movies anymore.  Turn on the TV, and anything they show is at least as scary as any horror movie.    

This story, is sort of a companion story to the first Cloverfield, from 2008.  A woman driving along a deserted road, is involved in a serious car accident.  She awakens to find herself recovering in an underground bunker, with a very scary John Goodman (Howard) and mousy Emmet as her hosts. 

Super- paranoid Howard is claiming there has been an “alien attack” and the outside is not safe.  But, Michelle is begging to wonder if this is just a sick, twisted game Howard is playing.  My gosh, this movie… is as sit-on-the-edge of your seat as any physiological drama, second to none.  Even better than “The Birds.”  

Deadpool – Ryan Reynolds is just one of those actors that seems like he has a sneer behind every look.  Works PERFECTLY for what I consider is by far the BEST of Marvel Movies (Sorry, X-Men).  Breaking down the 4^th wall (Talking directly to the audience), and making a joke out of nearly everything.  But, honestly, wouldn’t you act the same way if you found out that though you were invincible, you could never go home because you’re totally a freak. 

Oh, wait….. Yeah, that’s me.  But, Deadpool is right.  It really IS a love story.  

The secret Life of Pets – Animated movie.  Cute, cute movie.  Not awful at all. 

Zootopia – Same here….though, frankly, I think the sloths should get their own spin-off (thinking of this now, as I’m standing in line at the local Walmart store). 

Star Trek Beyond -  I liked this Star Trek much better than the second movie.  Some critics noted it felt more like an extended TV version of Star Trek than a full-out big-budget production.   And that’s what I loved about it, it felt like I was back in my parents’ house, sitting in my favorite chair after school, PBJ sandwich and glass of milk, watching the sparkling Captain Kirk and his mates go where “no man has gone before…” 

Of course, this version was much updated with a kick-ass chick, Jaylah, getting the crew out of trouble.  Let’s not forget, Uhura kickin’ some ass too.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story – Never thought I would say it, but I finally came across a Star Wars movie that I didn’t really care for.  First off (Spoiler ALERT):  Everybody in this movie gets killed.  Plus, the induction of the first, real bring back to life-via digital creepy digital effect.  

Still, it is Star Wars… I think it’s written in the constitution we must see and love all. 

Doctor Strange –  Funny that I barely remember the Doctor Strange character from the Marvel comic books from when I was a kid.  He seemed more an afterthought than anything.  I remember most of the stories involved swamis and far eastern themes. 

Stories I thought were covered much better in the Johnny Quest universe. 

Sometimes Hollywood has a habit of overdoing just about everything.   Take for example the super heroes movies.  Once relegated to the every-once-in a while type of movie for the 10-15 year old set, sometimes they bounced into the more adult world (Superman with Christopher Reeve, for example) and were enjoyable and memorable.

Now days, I can’t seem to keep my superheroes, or their universes correct…  Batman vs. who? 

This movie was a gem amongst the dreck (something I was hoping for in Suicide Squad, and didn’t find)…   where the plot was actually good, and the acting, “good-er.” 

This one is about a self-centered ego-maniac and Brilliant surgeon Doctor Stephen Strange that finds himself nearly destroyed after a terrible traffic accident.   He no longer can be the man he once was, but refuses to accept his fate.… 

He uses his many resources to find a cure….  That leads him to the far East and right to “the ancient one”  (Tilda Swinton, in a much-maligned roll as the ancient one…. Some accused her character as a dis to ethnicity.  I didn’t think so).   There he discovers the truth of magic and the world hidden behind the real one… 

This is a great movie!  I recommend it!  

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them – Confessional: I have never seen a Harry Potter movie!  Never.  I have not read the books, nor ventured to the movies.  I think I got tuckered out from the last mega-franchise Lord of the Rings. 

This, like Rogue One, is more a side-story to the main vision.  I really liked this movie… great, amazing visual effects that were not overwhelming but very conducive to the story. 

The Jungle Book – It is truly amazing what computer-generated movies are capable of these days.  At no point did I not think I was watching a cartoon… with Gigantic Orangutans (Played with deadpan gusto by Christopher Walken), an evil and dangerous tiger, Shere Khan (Idirs Elba) and a singing bear (Laconic Bill Murray).  The movie was a visual delight! 

A little rough on the violence for the little ones…  but, man…  You really do find you care about Mowgli and the rest throughout the entire movie.  Say it with me: This is the law of the jungle it's old and it's true as the sky And the wolf that should keep it may prosper but the wolf who will break it must die. For the strength of the pack is the wolf and the strength of the wolf is the pack.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot – Seems like 2017 is turning out to be The Year of The Woman, regardless (or maybe due to) whoever is in the Whitehouse.  I say it’s about time.  The movie Whiskey Tango Foxtrot (short for WTF?  Get it…)  stars Tina Fey.  The movie is based on a book based on the book "The Taliban Shuffle: Strange Days in Afghanistan and Pakistan" (A True Story, as they say) by real-life reporter, Kim Barker. 

Fay plays a stifled woman that decides to do something different, and on a lark volunteers to do a stint covering the war in Afghanistan as a correspondent.   She is ill prepared for the culture shock she encounters at first.  The Ultimate fish out of water story…. Or…. Infidel in the war story. 

At times, incredibly funny (well, it is Tina Fey), heartbreaking and such a positive on the cultures we ‘mericans try so hard to distrust.   In many ways….”they” are much like “us,”  and yet, not at all.  

This movie stayed with me for a very long time.  Though some of the story lines seemed like television sitcom writers wrote them, it was…overall…. a real joy. 

Passengers – I was really looking forward to this movie!  It has…. Well, Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt for starters.  A spacecraft, 30 years from the home world, and 90 years to go on its destination, while a town-load of people are deep in hibernating sleep.  Pratt… “Maintenance guy”…. Seems like there is always at least one in every one of these movies…   wakes up from his sleep pod way too soon… some 90 years or so….  

He tries to find ways to fix his situation…. Only to run into machines that simply tell him, “there is no problem.”  Stupid machines!!

So, with only the Robot Bartender (Arthur) from “The Shining” (no, kidding….  The vibe is unmistakable, and quite on purpose, sir) as his companion, Jim Preston must now live out the rest of his life among the sleeping multitude.  This only goes okay for so long…before he nearly goes mad with homesickness and need for companionship. 

Through the logs of the crew, he gets to know Aurora Lane (Jennifer Lawrence) and immediately falls for her.  His temptation is that he should wake “Eve” to be his mate to his “Adam.”  He gives in to temptation…. 

Like him, she is horrified that she is awakened early, but has no idea that he (Jim) was the one that awoke her. 

Of course, all-too-quickly, nature takes its’ course and they fall madly for each other…. That is, until that sorta-evil Bartender blabs about Jim….essentially taking her life away from her.  (Stupid Machines!) She is understandably incensed….and that ends the relationship. 

Ah, but then the ship starts falling apart, causing Morpheus (Laurence Fishburne…) to awaken from the crew cabin….and try to help the ship right itself and they must work together to avert a tragedy. 

My take on this one…is they had a great opportunity to really make something cool here.  A modernized version of (one of my favorites) The World, the Flesh, and the Devil…   Made in 1959.  

A man (Harry Belafonte) and a woman…. Find themselves the only ones left alive in NYC after a terrible nuclear accident…   Then, a 3^rd….   and competing for the attention of “the only woman in the world.”  See? What a dynamic. 

Passengers ends up being a lover’s spat…more than the compelling human drama it could have been.  

Still Lawrence and Pratt have great chemistry (pretty people usually do) and it’s not a terrible movie… just could have been so much better. 

The One’s that I saw which I didn’t too much care for…

Money Monster  -  I mean, how could you go wrong with George Clooney and Julia Roberts?  This must be the way….  When they are on screen together, they are amazing.  But, Clooney stars as a

Jack Reacher  -  Read my review from earlier.  Meh….

Allied – Same for Allied.  Meh, except for Marion Cotillard....  

Ghostbusters – Man, what a waste!  So much great talent, and it just seemed like it was wasted on too many homages to the original.  

BATMAN v SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE  - It was just…..  wrong.  So, batman is jealous of Superman, gets it in his head to be….Well, better and finally defeat the S-one?  How then…..well, build a better suit, that’s how!  Fill it full of Kryptonite!  Funny, why didn’t any of the bad guys over the years think of that?

As predicted on the faded wall of a New York City billboard in the apocalyptic movie: I am Legend.  It predicted this was a sign of the end of the world.  Next stop, “dark-seekers.”

Independence Day: Resurgence -  I want my money BACK!  How could you do this?  ID4 was a great, American sci-fi film!  No, not Gone With the Wind great….  But, American Sci-fi great.  As plodding and unkempt as any hulking John Wayne movie.

So much of the public realized it wasn’t so much the aliens… it was:  the combination of Will Smith’s Captain Steven Hiller (“Captain Kirk”), Jeff Goldblum’s David Levinson (“Spock”) and Bill Pullman’s President Witmore (“Bones”)…. Along with the rest of the characters from well-known series….  That makes ID4 (Along with its’ Cousin: Ammegeddon) one of the modern go-to American movies vs. aliens. 

But, take out Will Smith (Granted Jessie T. Usher did a pretty good job here…. And he’s about the only one in this mess), reduce Witmore to a whimpering sad sack, add in the few dozen homages to the originals, and you have one, big mess.  Familiar characters were introduced and killed off in the same scene.  And as per usual, the only ones dumber than the good guys were the aliens.  How will we ever survive?

It was nominated for 2 Razzie awards (2017) for Worst Picture and Worst director.  Sadly, it did not prevail even in winning here. 

So many ask why haven’t they re-made some of the classics like “Casablanca,”  or “Streetcar Named Desire,”  This movie is your answer…  and the original was never a classic.  No matter how much you would like to, you cannot go back…. 

The Blue Max.  1966. Starring George Peppard, James Mason and Ursula Andress. 

I checked out the movie from the local library.  I wanted to see something with George Peppard in another movie.  One of my favorite movies is Breakfast at Tiffanys (1961 w/ the absolute adorable, and perfect Audrey Hepburn).  The critics consensus was that Peppard was not a great actor, and could have been nearly any “nice looking adroit” to fill the role of Paul 'Fred' Varjak in “Tiffanys.”

I agree with that, I guess... He seemed to be a precursor to a much sweeter, warmer Robert Redford in Barefoot in the Park (1967).  There is even some resemblances in the two actors.  Of course, most people my age, remember Peppard as John 'Hannibal' Smith from the TV series, The ‘A’ Team, and even before that, in the early-70’s television “insurance investigator” series, Banacek. 

In this movie, Peppard plays  Lt. Bruno Stachel an ambitious German foot soldier that works his way up to rookie German pilot in WWI (1918) that tries to prove himself  by earning “The Blue Max,” the coveted medal awarded to top pilots which shoot down 20 or more enemy aircraft. 

It’s a long movie (156 minutes), and even an “intermission” in the 3^rd reel.  There is little to like about the characters.  You have bad people engaged in bad things to the benefit of no one except themselves.  I think it should play well in movie theaters today, frankly (but I digress).   

Stachel (Peppard) finds himself taken underwing by the General Count von Klugermann (Surly James Mason), to make him a sort of golden hero of the Fatherland.  Stachel decides he wants to be a top pilot, and the General gives him the chance.  He joined a squadron, where he meets his idol Manfred Albrecht Freiherr von Richthofen, the Red Baron, himself.  (Yes, he of the 1966 Royal Guardsman tune, Snoopy vs. The Red Baron). 

Along the way, Stachel manages to piss off nearly everyone, due the huge chip on his shoulder.  Stachel comes from humble backgrounds, and is hateful of the more “elite” and pampered pilots in which he finds himself.  Class distinction was a hard thing to overcome in Germany. 

He does nothing to endear himself to his fellow pilots, when he shoots down his first “kill” as he ignores that his flying partner shot down.  He was upset that no one could then confirm his first downing.  His nemesis is the wily “Willi” von Klugermann.  He’s the big man on campus, and coincidentally the nephew of the General. 

Enter the General’s wife…. (One towel away from wow… Ursula Andress)  Willi’s “aunt by marriage,”  which doesn’t preclude her from engaging in some naughty inter-family canoodling.  And since….well, Willi had her, therefore Stachel must as well.

 

In what becomes a pissing match, Willi wins the coveted “Blue Max” first.  Stachel, not to be out-done isn’t interested much in the fact that the German Army is beating a hasty retreat (Via, the Americans have finally entered the war)… he wants his prize, and all the recognition that goes with it.

Eventually, this leads to an all-out macho flying match.  Willi ends up crashed and burned, and the two fighters claimed by Stachel give him his “Blue Max.”  This prompts Commander Otto Heidemann  to a confrontation with Stachel, who has grown very tired of the pilot’s ego and ambition. 

Yet, the General that built up Stachel as a German war hero.  For the “good of the guard” Stachel cannot be accused of negligence.  The General asks the Commander to rip up his report. 

Meanwhile, Stachel is feeling much like the rock star.  So much so, he tells the countess what he really thinks of her.  Scratch one cougar countess. 

The end is a rather satisfying moment where the mighty egos all fall down.  Like I said, it’s hard to like anyone in the movie.  The only person even remotely decent in the movie is the flight Commander Otto Heidemann , who knows the war is lost….all he wants to do is be with his wife in Berlin. 

The plot of the movie is interesting, like a soap, yet the aerial footages make up for the characters.  According to IMBD, Peppard actually flew his own plan during some of the sequences.  

*Interesting Personal Note:  The Theme music (start of the movie) for the Blue Max…  is written and conducted by the legendary Jerry Goldsmith.   There is a striking similarity to another soaring aerial battle movie called “Star Wars,” Music composed by the equally amazing John Williams.  I’m not saying there is anything diabolical here…but it is odd the themes are somewhat eerily similar.  See what you think.  

Allied:  (2016)

Lake Delton AMC Desert Star.  6:40pm show.  Ticket Price: 10.53 + $4.25 for “small” water. 

If you have ever looked at your spouse, or significant other, boyfriend / girlfriend and thought to yourself…  This is not the person I thought they were…   Then, do not see this movie.  It will only confirm your darkest suspicions. 

(Spoilers alert!)

One of the dangers of viewing lots of movies… especially when putting on the “Movie Reviewers cap”, you notice you become hyper-critical about certain things in movies… certain themes or motifs where you roll your eyes and that completely interrupts the story.  

Anytime you go, “Oh, the director put that there because…”  takes you completely out of the story, and lessens the enjoyment of the play in front of you. 

Lately, at least the newly released films… I’m seeing this more often.  Which brings me to the Movie, Allied.  Starring beautiful Brad Pitt and beautiful Marion Cotillard.  They are both deep undercover agents in 1942 Casablanca, one a flight commander and the other a French Resistance fighter. They meet in a covert mission… fall in love, get married and move back to London.  There Max faces the possibility that the love of his life, and the mother of his child is a German spy. 

The good: Oh, my!  Marion Cotillard.  I think I have figured out what “my kind of woman” really means…  I’ve always said that I should have been born in another time and place, and now I know this is true.  She is the most amazing, beautiful woman I’ve seen on screen in a long time.  That underlying, smoldering French sexiness and sleepy eyes wrapped in a classic satin nightgown..  I am smitten!  oooh! La La! 

The fact that she is the love interest in the Midnight in Paris movie, helps too.  Ah, Paris!

Brad Pitt isn’t bad either, though he seems to have adapted that stoic, classic German look of stone-faced indignity a little too well.  Lost is his boyish, mischievous, gum-smacking grin (The Ocean movies) and in this movie, that suits him very well. 

In this movie, you can almost draw some parallels between the Mr. and Mrs. Smith movie with his now ex-wife.  Both secret agents.  Both consummate professionals (as such, professional liars).  Both hiding something from the other….

The Bad:  This is one of my pet peeves in modern movies lately.  Ever since The Hunger Games, it appears that young children and extreme violence in the same movie frame are a thing now.  Towards the end, when Max walks in and shoots the Nanny in the forehead, his 1 year old daughter is in the crib, within view.  Yes, I know… she’s only 1… but still.  Why?

I believe I know why you see this more often: Writers and directors have discovered that children in harm’s way provokes an emotional response from the audience.  Apparently, a child near violence is about the only thing we are not emotionally dead from, therefore they use it as a cheap plot device. 

And I hate it.  Seems to me kids are just having a rough enough time as it is, just being kids (in real life too).  This movie is smartly written and the plot was good enough, it certainly did not need this.  He could have shot the Nanny and then ran upstairs to retrieve the little girl.  See? Nothing lost but a few seconds of film.  Maybe that’s the problem, I guess. 

Same thing with asses.  Nudity in film is of course, nothing new.  But, I do wonder exactly who made the conscience decision to frame the love scene in both the bed and the automobile to feature the ass cheeks of Mr. Pitt.  It does make one wonder about some of the conversations that take place in certain Hollywood offices, doesn't it?

“Say Garland, please ask Mr. Pitt about the ass shots in the movie.  Is he willing to okay them, or not?  We need to know before the final cuts…” 

“Sure, JB.  I just did, and Pitt’s agent agreed that he is willing to feature the ass in the two shots we discussed earlier.  However, he would like an extra million for that.”

“One million for a man’s POOPER?  Well, I suppose… if it gets the “50 shades” bored horny housewives vote…  I have paid more….  Okay, just gently remind him that we can always get an ass double, to do the scenes.  Like they don’t get enough work these days…. “ (rolls eyes)

“Okay, JB, I’m on it!” 

The love scenes were certainly erotic enough without that. Especially in the automobile during the sandstorm…  I’m a doing it in a car kinda guy myself.  Something wild and uninhibited about that… If not a bit cramped…

The other thing is the gratuitous and obvious use of Casablanca as romance center point, rendezvous, or starting point.  The clothing, the style, and some of the scenes were copiously copied from the 1942 classic of the same name.  Oh, come on!  I’m sort of surprised they didn’t have the omnipresent white search light from the town square.

I get it, Casablanca equals a modern yearning for far-flung, romance and epic stylishness so missing in the modern world.  I long for that too.  However, this just seems so in-your-face… it’s like; okay, here’s where the hero invariably wins the day…   Here’s where he flagrantly disobeys orders…  

Still, if you could judge a movie on just stylishness alone, this one is truly amazing.  I just wish there wouldn’t have been so many of those Hollywood “reminders” that we are, indeed, in a MOVIE.  Never did I get lost in the story.  Not once. 

Also: So the lesbian sister..... You're saying in 1943 London...  Max's sister would be so caviler and open about her relationship with a woman?  Come on, now!!! I doubt it.  It almost seems like another (Yes, ANOTHER) Hollywood device to include our modern sensibilities into what is another plot device.  What other reason did this character exist, then? I'm not sure she did much other than this...   

Finally the ending.  How heartbreaking could you possibly make it?  I disliked the ending immensely.   I could have forgiven all the other movie techniques and clichés, if only it could have ended…..oh, I don’t know… differently. 

It didn’t need to end happily, but to have the woman put a bullet in her head?  Even in the movie Casablanca, the guy didn’t get the girl… but, you know Ilsa could have ended that way too…. Oh, I love Rick, but I’m going with Laszo… I know, I just kill myself. Click, click…boom.     

Like everything else in the movie, it felt like a cheap trick (and not the band, either)… 

I think this shows the inclination for Hollywood to finally pull the trigger, and do the remake of Casablanca that has been rumored for ages.  My only hope is they play it straight with the audience…  no twists, please.  As in, Casablanca as told from the point of view of Lazlo…. Oh, god....Please, NO! 

If Casablanca is re-made someday soon... Please consider Marion Cotillard for the part of Ilsa.  And I begging you... no making love ass-shots, okay? Let us use our imaginations...  

Out of ten stars, I would rate Allied a solid 6.  It’s not a bad date movie (as long they do not fit the description I listed at the top), but I would rent it, instead.  And if you're a single rent out Inglorious Bastards.. followed by The Dirty Dozen.  

If you are lucky enough to have a date… 

Please; make it Casablanca with a side order of Couscous and Champagne cocktails…

A short dissertation on “Casablanca” (The movie)

I don’t understand why movie writers these days’ pigeon hole romance (AKA “Chick flicks” OR “Rom-coms”) movies to become completely formulaic to the point where you can almost count the beats between where the two completely mis-matched people eventually make some excuse to go out to shop, look into each other’s eyes, deny what they see there, wreck everything, and then at the end…  Ah, love at last! (Blelch!) 

-And it happens just that way in real life, too – don’tcha know?

If anyone knows me very well, they know that I am a real movie hound. In that context, my all-time favorite movie is “Casablanca” (1943: Starring Humphrey Bogart, Ingrid Bergman And Claude Raines).  It annoys several of my dates because, well… it’s old and in Black and White (I’ve ignored the awful “colorized” version of the classic)..  But for me, Casablanca is the embodiment of the Perfect Drama and the Perfect Romantic Movie.

So, why would I think it’s the perfect drama? Well, first there’s Nazi’s..  They have become universal “bad guys” (Along with the Taliban)..  and living under their regime in German-controlled Europe and Northern Africa must have been extremely frightening and dangerous.

Enter one “Richard Blaine… American… Age 37… cannot return to his country for reason’s a little vague”…  Owner and manager of “Rick’s Café Americana” located in downtown Casablanca…  Which is a still “Unoccupied France” providence of Morocco, Africa… 1941.  Not too long before the American’s invaded French Morocco…  (In December 1941).

So, Rick is despondent and cynical and angry because the one woman he loved left him “standing on the train platform with a funny look on his face”. One of the few times a film actually shows a leading man crying….even if the shot was out of focus, in the rain on a train…. Ilsa Lund had left him at the train station… and it was only Sam (the notably black piano player… and obviously his best friend).. That got him hitched up and on the train and spirited away from the Nazi invaders.

Rick seems to be a well-regarded kind of guy in the cesspool of snakes that inhabit the questionable port of Casablanca.  Kind of like the wise guy that knows everyone’s secrets but won’t spill them to the authorities because his customers keep in Francs and the back-room roulette wheels spinning (“Gambling is illegal in Casablanca”).  The machinery behind the illegal squeaky wheel is the enigmatic (and…. well, horny) Captain Louis Renault, Prefect of Police. Renault has set himself up as “king of the city” sort of, helping himself to the desperate women going through his office hoping for a Visa and a quick trip out of the country.  He allows Rick to stay open because “I allow you to win at Roulette.”  That, my friends is what is known as a Quid Pro Quo.

One night, Renault comes to Rick to warn him about a guy coming into town, a Victor Laszlo.  Victor (apparently) was a bad boy that “Printed scandal sheets in the basement”…an organizer and an eloquent speaker against the Nazi regime.  Victor escaped from a German prison camp with his traveling companion and has landed in Casablanca, where the Germans finally catch up to him. 

That same night, a sweaty and nervous character called Senior Ugarty (Played to the hilt by amazing actor and spooky-eyed Peter Lorre) comes to Rick with a request…  he has somehow gotten a pair of tickets out of the country (“Letters of Transit.  Cannot not be questioned.”)   He murdered a couple of German clerks to get his hands on the “Letters of Transit” (What Hitchcock called the “McGuffin”) and gave them to Rick for safe keeping.  The Germans are on to him and arrest him. 

Meanwhile, enter Laszlo and his traveling companion…one Ilsa Lund on his arm and looking very much in love with him.  Ilsa realizes she’s in THAT Rick’s café, when she spots Sam at the piano.  Oh, oh… 

Well, of course…  Rick spots her and before the sparks fly he’s introduced to Victor Laszlo.  It comes out that Victor was to contact Ugarty to purchase the letters of transit for him and Ilsa to leave.  But, of course.. Ugarty is dead (“Shot trying to escape… or suicide.  We haven’t decided which.”) and Rick has the letters. 

(The drunken scene where he privately confronts her is about as classic as it gets… I think all us guys have done that… at least in our heads).  

Well, cynical Rick is NOT going to give the letters to Laszlo and Ilsa of course.. not even for money…  She broke his heart, and now he will get his revenge… “Destiny lends a hand”  as they arrest Laszlow…

What follows is Rick showing why even we cynics have an inner core of good and light.  Rick Blaine gives guys like me hope for our future… change is possible.  And though we may not get the girl, perhaps we can save the world.  As I’ve said recently: There are those that are meant to live happily ever after.  And that leaves the rest of us; all we have to do is save the world. 

Okay.. that was the movie.  Now the reality: 

It was originally to be released in the summer of The Allies invaded Casablanca in real life on 8 November 1942. As the film was not due for release until spring, studio executives suggested it be changed to incorporate the invasion. It premiered in New York on November 26. It did not play in Los Angeles until its general release the following January, and hence competed against 1943 films for the Oscars.

It opened to Luke-warm reviews.

Humprey Bogart was somewhat shorter than Swedish beauty Ingrid Bergman… so he often stood on crates, pillows or sometimes wore lifts in his shoes!  (that’s one for us stubby guys!! YEAH!)

Humphrey Bogart's wife Mayo Methot continually accused him of having an affair with Ingrid Bergman, often confronting him in his dressing room before a shot. Bogart would come onto the set in a rage. In fact, despite the undeniable on-screen chemistry between Bogart and Bergman, they hardly spoke, and the only time they bonded was when the two had lunch with Geraldine Fitzgerald. According to Fitzgerald, "the whole subject at lunch was how they could get out of that movie. They thought the dialogue was ridiculous and the situations were unbelievable... I knew Bogart very well, and I think he wanted to join forces with Bergman, to make sure they both said the same things." For whatever reasons, Bogart and Bergman rarely spoke after that. (ILBD.com)

The script was based on the un-produced play "Everybody Comes to Rick's". Murray Burnett and Joan Alison wrote it. They were paid $20,000 for it by Warner Brothers.

In the 1980s, this film's script was sent to readers at a number of major studios and production companies under its original title, "Everybody Comes to Rick's". Some readers recognized the script but most did not. Many complained that the script was "not good enough" to make a decent movie. Others gave such complaints as "too dated", "too much dialog" and "not enough sex".   (ILBD.com)

No one knew right up until the filming of the last scene whether Ilsa would end up with Rick or Laszlo.  I remember reading that reportedly, she (Ingrid Bergman) barged into the producers office to demand “who the hell gets to have me, Rick Or Laszlow?”  (My favorite trivia).

Well.. that’s it for this review.  If you’re interested.. there are many other movies I adore, that come really close to this one.  I’ll be writing some reviews of them soon.  Next, I think I’ll do:

Gilda.  (Rita Hayworth and Glen Ford 1946)

Also check out: The Philadelphia Story.  Adam’s Rib.  To Kill a Mockingbird.  The Defiant Ones.  Lover Come Back.  Pillow Talk.  The long, long trailer.  And Du Barry Was a Lady (the last two Starring Lucy Ball). 

LATER!

Jack Reacher: Never go Back.  AMC Desert Star cinema Lake Delton WI.  October 30^th.   Price: 10.56  (with the Wisconsin Dells 6% Tax)…. (Standard viewing)

As anyone can tell you, I think you can probably see any movie with Tom Cruise in it and you know you’ll get your money’s worth.  I mean, the guy is just a movie legend.  Hard to believe this is the same guy from “Losing It” and “The Firm” and “A few good men” and “Top Gun” and “Rain Man” and “Far and Away” and “Vanilla Sky” and “Jerry McGuire”… and Mission Impossible.. jeeze, nearly anything in films.  … And a personal favorite, a real gem from early in his career (The Color of Money) with legend Paul Newman, taking up the sequel 25 years later from The Hustler (Newman and Jackie Gleason in glorious B&W). 

In Reacher, he’s a loner/ ex-military man that just finished some sort of assignment (for whom, actually?), when he helps arrest a crooked sheriff.   He makes his way to Washington, DC to meet (and hopefully date) Major Susan Turner (Played by a kick-ass Cobie Smulders), the voice on the phone that assists him with the assignment.  When he finally gets there, he discovers that Turner has been arrested on espionage charges and is now imprisoned.  She was investigating two suspicious soldier’s deaths in Afghanistan. 

Of course, he smells a rat and tries to investigate what happened to Turner.  He starts poking around and hooks an unwanted warning from a shady lawyer to stay away. The lawyer produces an incentive in a new-found paternity suit and shows Reacher a picture of his supposed 15-year-old daughter, Samantha Dayton.  Reacher takes the picture of the girl.  

The lawyer is summarily killed by an assassin known only as “the hunter,” and frames Reacher for the murder.  Now fully committed into finding out what is going on, Reacher breaks into and out of a maximum security prison with Major Turner.  (Who knew it could be so easy to escape from a max-secure prison?)  Together, they try to evade the military police and the “hunter” whom is trying to kill her.   

Meanwhile, Reacher quickly finds possible offspring and tails her.  Of course, she is a worldly and street-wise fifteen year old that lives with foster parents (her mother is a recovering addict).  It seems like lately nearly every movie…we want all our 15 year-old girls to be very Katniss Everdeen-ish.   (More of this later)** 

One of the best parts of this movie is Samantha, played by Danika Yarosh.  Keep watching this young lady, as I predict she will do great things in future movies.  Her “Samantha” is plucky and inventive, sometimes she seems more aware of the situations than the adults in this movie. 

Unfortunately, the “Hunter” is able to put 2 and 2 together to realize that Samantha is Reacher’s daughter…  the same guy that keeps thwarting his efforts to get rid of Major Turner.  Vowing to “getting to” Reacher and killing Turner, he is now searching for “the girl.”  (Samantha)

Now, the three of them (Reacher, Turner and Samantha) are simultaneously running from the “police” (oddly just the Military police), the assassin and also trying to figure out why two of Major Turner’s soldiers were murdered in cold blood.  Eventually, they end up in a chase on the streets of New Orleans in which Turner kicks some ass (Actress Cobie Smulders shreds her “How I met your mother” TV image… and it was reported she did all her own stunts….wow!), and eventually the Hunter and Reacher reach a standoff as the assassin holds Samantha in harm’s way….

Of course, the girl is rescued, the assassin meets his end and Reacher is helped from a rooftop from Samantha and Turner. 

(Spoiler alert):  Major Susan Turner is restored to her job, the bad guys arrested for dealing “pure opium” and Reacher discovers that Samantha is not his daughter.  Turner and Reacher say a nice “maybe I’ll see you later” end.  Though she would like to stay connected to Reacher as he continues on his lonesome ways….  Maybe he found a daughter anyway…in a way….  A satisfying end. 

It’s a good movie.  Like I said, any movie watching Tom Cruise is going to be good.  Of course.  The guy is in great shape.  Cobie Smulders was utilitarian as she needed to be, a real modern woman, but certainly not a romance interest.  And again Danika Yarosh brought much light to an otherwise typical and formulated spy story.  Just watch any episode of NCIS LA for nearly the same material. 

My opinion:  If it’s a rainy Saturday night and you’re single and lonely….or….Sunday and you have nothing really better to do… and you have a ten-spot burning in your pocket… go see this movie at the theater.  It’s certainly better than many of the other movies offered this week.  However, maybe just wait until the rental comes out… and spend a little less money and enjoy it just as much. 

From a formulaic writer; the original story is from a novel…number 13 from Lee Child; “Never go Back,” in the Jack Reacher series.  Sigh.  I don’t know why modern writers get the idea they have to strangle a good idea until it pukes blood.  Can you imagine Casablanca IV: The invasion?   Ugh! 

*Other notes:  The movie was to begin at 7:25…  but the previews lasted nearly 16 minutes past this!  Amazing!  I noted 3 years ago, the previews lasted 12 minutes… now, it’s pumped up to 16 minutes.  What’s the point in having a starting time at all?

**Children in peril in movies:  A troubling trend I see in modern movies is children being put in “harm’s way” for the sake of the story.  Here (In Reacher) we have a fifteen-year-old girl both psychologically and physically threatened in the worst possible terms.  Yes, I know it’s just a movie…. But… maybe, just maybe we need to admit to ourselves it’s just one more line crossed that leaves us, call it less humane.  I think kids, regardless of how plucky and resourceful they are having enough on their hands just growing up… why must we make them the center of our evil universe? 

I noticed this front and center in The Hunger Games.  The very idea that we get to see a very young girl bleed out slowly in front of our eyes really sickened me.  Of course, I know that is at the heart of the story…but, still. 

It’s all due to what I call the white hat/black hat syndrome, or more closely: the “good gulf” which is the distance necessary between the good guy and the bad guy to make a convincing narrative drama.  In old westerns, the good guys always wore white hats, the bad guys, black.  Good guys…always good. Bad guys, always BAD. 

Of course, the rise of the anti-hero approximated with our real-life experiences that most people are not either “all good” nor “all bad.”  As we have become a more jaded and ragged society, the more we realize the “good guy” with the gleaming white teeth and the heart of gold is more camp than believable.  The anti-hero is not new… I really believe Bogart (and a few others) probably started it, in several of his movie portrayals. 

However it began, it has become commonplace now.  A fact most clearly reflected in our Superman movies.  No one would except the besotted Superman of the George Reeves TV shows as “silly.”  Even the “gee willikers” platitudes of the mighty Christopher Reeves seems flat and dated.  Now we seem to like our Superman not so super…in many ways as jaded and awful as we feel. 

Of course, the problem with having the anti-hero as…well, the hero; you have to have the negative to that for the equation.  In the parlance of the movie, The Matrix: “Who is he?  He is your opposite, your negative.  The equation trying to balance itself out.”

Since you’ve got a negative already… you have to get downright evil to be the Bad part of the equation.  That leaves….The Devil, of course as the ultimate evil.  But this is a spy drama.  Megalomaniacs, of course are good…but also overdone.  Man vs. Machine, of course.  Nope.

That leaves man vs. man, in which the conflict becomes personal.  And it has to be deeply personal.  Not just threating to kill the man is enough, it has to be his whole family.  Visa vi, what is worse than that?  A daughter or a son.  Personal revenge taken out on a daughter is one of the most distasteful, evil and vile things one man can do to another.  Therefore, that’s how a movie can balance the negative “good guy” with a much more negative “bad guy.” 

The result?  Movies that now feature (possible) slaughter of children for our entertainment.  And I do not like that, one bit. 

I hope Hollywood writers find more appropriate ways of showing the conflict between good and evil in storytelling.  But then again, maybe we really have run entirely out of ideas.  

Movie Critiques:  Greetings!  I invite all movie lovers to enjoy any of the movies that I review here…. And participate in discussions of such.  Remember, everything regarding “art,” be it movies, painting, sculptures, or even certain Architecture, is in the eye of the beholder.  So, what might be inspiring to me, could be insipid to you. 

All I ask….no, actually, I demand, that you behave yourselves.  If you cannot do just that little thing, then I shall be forced to evict you from the island forever.  This is not freedom of the press… these are my opinions.  If you don’t like them… that’s cool.  Start your own page. 

I plan on covering every kind of movie here; in theaters, in the 5 dollar bin, on cable, on cable, television, old black and white movies, concerts, documentaries, and even…yes, even…musicals!  (laughing).  About the only thing I probably will not cover here will be silent movies. 

There will also be some ruminations about interesting books or novels I’ve read that intersect with these movies.  For example:  is the book better than the movie?  And if so, why? 

In any case, I hope you enjoy my page… and take the time to enjoy some of these movies.  Though Shakespeare has told nearly every human interest story there is… sometimes, it’s good to be surprised by a movie that moves you.  Of course, there is a difference between “moving” you and using your emotions to sell a product.  We’ll try and weed out the chaff from the incredible, and the durable from the passable.  Here we go!